i sit and i stare blankly at the pages. i try to focus, but i just can't. am i losing my touch? doubt percolates through me like never before. if there is one thing that i have always openly admitted to others, and to myself it is this: my brain, from a visual concept, is one, constant, twacked-out L I G H T S H O W. the old, try and catch me if you can sort of thing.
everyday i'm faced with this game of scrabble. stuck on repeat, rewind, fast forward, etc. unfortunately the mute button never seems to grace me with a moments peace. those blocks of letters stack up by the millisecond and somehow i process things twice as quickly - creating things that even i don't understand at times. i find myself having to, i kid you not, use mathematical formulas to break down whatever inner psychosis i'm trying to process in that very quick and passing moment.
my journal patterns are as follows lately; gorgeous + sloppy, tear soaked pages containing minimal structured sentences. they are however, overpopulated with words, doodles, and thoughts that jump all over the place. metaphorically speaking, if one were to glance over my cursive creativity it would go a little something like this: one moment you would probably feel like you're in paris. relaxing. enjoying that cigarette. the wine. the bread. the music. next thing you know you're thrown into war trenches somewhere on a complete separate, god-forsaken island. i pity those who will someday inherit my beloved books, because good luck, and i apologize in advance for the nightmares.
here we go. so, (minus my introspection on my more private, therapeutic writings) in recent news, i must say that i am thrilled with how i have finally! come to an agreement with personal acceptance. you know: embracing fully, the-who that i have become. i carry no shame. i really DO continue to surprise myself.
sidenote: (people) really over-abuse that statement by the way. i know because i was one of them.
i love every thought, voice, vision, feeling, and sense that comes and knocks on my door. i'm finally free fallin'. and baby, it's better than any high i've ever tried chasing.
© by the gypsies travels