August 12, 2011

wyatt earp taught me a thing, or two

i made some big steps this week. forgiveness, in my opinion, is one of the hardest things in the world to do. to REALLY forgive someone, takes a lot of strength. majority of people don't really understand the concept and/or meaning of TRUE forgiveness. you just don't get it, until you actually do it & then you're like "ahhhh i get it. this what it is and it feels SO GOOD!" my definition is as follows: never forgetting, sincerely forgiving & embracing those that have caused the pain & suffering. what we don't realize is that by doing this we are releasing OURSELVES from self imprisonment. SHACKLES caused by our own confusion and bitterness. not a very fun ride to be on. almost always this is triggered by our perception of some sort of "backstabbing", or betrayal from a loved one. this is the lesson: we have to learn to really drink down that pride of ours. do your homework. go for that 5 mile, uphill run. put in the REAL, HARD work: all the blood, sweat & tears you've got! once you can attain this - only then will you find the key to your shackles. and let me tell you something; it will feel remarkable. a healthy relationship, whether it be a friend, lover or brother is painted vividly to me as a stunning, purple lace mink fox fur coat. whether vintage, or fresh & new it's priceless to you. you can build any sort of classic style with this coat alone, breaking necks and turning heads everywhere you go. it goes with ANYTHING.
when one of us decides to neglect that relationship, we are left with a: fashion statement suicide.
neglect [ni-glekt]: verb
1. to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard
2. to be remiss in the care or treatment of
now, there really isn't anything erotic or enticing about the word "neglect". even if you didn't know the meaning of it - i'd like to think that most human absorption upon hearing this word would be "sounds bad". i'd also like to believe that we live in a somewhat knowledgeable and educated society, and just choose to make poor decisions. maybe sometimes we just don't fully comprehend just how bad the outcome may be. my instinct tells me though that somewhere, deep down, we can feel that it isn't right. however, we move forward with our decisions anyways, full-throttle. we are a selfish, and judgmental society. we can't help it. we were born to be sinners. it's a choice we make. we live by the choices of our inner sinner as well as our honor-bearing hearts. talk about living in a home built on a VERY large spectrum. the scales can never be too heavy on one side; there must be balance. without proper balance, we become addicted to too much of one thing. eventually, almost always: we overdose. it's your real life dark humor. you can't even retrace your steps to figure this whole thing out. at this point, you're wishing you were hansel and/or gretel: leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to get yourself back. oh, fairy tails. sigh.
why is it we don't get IT until we LIVE IT? we're always the damsel in distress - never the brave warrior, or hero - like wyatt earp in the non-fictional, historical story. it's your life. your story. your CHOICE. this is your time to write something real. are you a cowboy or indian? a friend or foe? king or slave? rich or poor? will you walk into the light or burn in the dark? do you choose life, or death? 77 days of sobriety today, and i feel damn proud. "time to rise again & time to fly" is written all over the pages of my story, in my blood. a constant theme that will forever be embedded in my life. one i am proud to have earned. this is life. this is living.
christopher and i enjoyed a 10 mile walk yesterday. i just loved how he matched with the tower as we were walking over the bridge. oh no, wait! i actually just love how he matches with me ♥

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