October 25, 2014

slaughter house

and then i saw it.
one day, everything just felt different.
no, no it didn't feel different. it WAS different.
i think that's how it happens.
change, you know?
you wake up one day, and the things that once seemed to bring you happiness - well, they just no longer do.
and you can't really explain it.
sometimes, it's a profound moment that can bring you there.
and sometimes, it's just a series of small, minuscule things that accumulate over the course of time - changes so small, that when looked at under the microscope as a single organism: one can barely notice it's significance.
however, these small changes when chained together? well my darling, now that's just brilliant.

and you see, that's the tricky part of life - we're constantly shifting between
the wants and the needs
and the do's and the don'ts
and the this's and the that's,
and oh for the love of god: ALL THE how's and THE why's and THE where's and THE when's -
but we never just stop for a moment, to look around and think: hey, maybe this just isn't FOR me anymore?
nope. yep. i'm done. ready to cross this chapter off my to-do list.

i think it's the pain.
yeah, it's definitely the pain that takes you to the good places.
it's the unbearable, excruciating, stubborn pain that we burrow deep inside those dark caves within ourselves.
it's simple though.
in order to move forward, we must explore these caves.
note: this isn't science, but it should be considered so.
the ONLY way to move forward is THROUGH the darkest of places.
yes, i'm talking about the pain that digs into our flesh like a scalpel. and it doesn't end there.
we need to be patient enough to just let it all drain, once we break through.
this takes time. and it takes tenacity. 
to hang oneself for exposure, is never an easy thing.
nonetheless: we need to dig, and we need to drain.
fresh flesh, is always the best flesh.

that's what's beautiful about being the creator, of your own creation: at any point in time, you can change course, if you truly want to.

it takes a brave person to know themselves.
to show themselves.
and to be themselves.

success is not easy. 
but, it's fucking worth it.
this is life.
welcome to the slaughter house.

© by the gypsies travels

December 1, 2013

the hands of reapers cradle ticking numbers

today i woke up screaming fuck the world.
a conceited soul + with venom on my tounge = yeah. that's me right now.
i guess i'm busting myself open again.
when i am this bottled up, and silent:
it IS the verge of pure refulgence being birthed.
creepy: how very aware of myself i am becoming these days.
even creepier: how creepy & weird, it turns out: i really am. :) 
(note to se/lf: that little smile felt good)
what to do? when the words just won't suffice. sigh.
one thing i am so grateful for in times like this: 
the fact that no one can rob me of my dreams. 
when i feel empty, drained, hollow, and so alone - 
my dreams fill me with hope, passion, blood, and emotion again. 
so for now, i'm going to lean. sing. and dream. 
this song + intense leaning = concrete evidence of my sizable dreams

© by the gypsies travels

October 24, 2013

first-class heartbreak: spray-painted roses

dear lover,

the truth is, the truth hurts.

why can't i forget you?

was it easy to forget me?

if i learn to hate, will that help me be more like you?

are you happy moving forward without me?

or maybe i just hate me. for hurting someone like you.

yeah. that's it. i've learned to hate me over this whole thing.

and i can't get past the guilt.

and i live everyday in regret.

i just want you to help me.

i want you to fix that thing i ripped open inside me.

i want you to make it better.

i want you to tell me it's going to be okay.

i want you to want to want me.

i want you to not hate me.

i want you to love me again.

after you left, the only thing that was left standing there was, me.


in an empty labyrinth.

with all my sins painted perfectly on easels and dark, wrap-around walls.

the pain of feeling and existing became unbearable.

the truth of what i had done ached in places that at one time: grew beautiful, black, white & red roses.

i looked to my left. then, to my right.

to my right, stood a sign that read "TRUTHS & PAINS"

to my left, stood a sign that read "BOYS, POISON & GAMES"

in that moment: i hated you. for leaving me there in that place, alone.

so i went left. just to HURT you.

centuries later, i crawled my way to the end of that labyrinth.

and there stood a sign that read: "NOW ARE YOU READY? TRUTHS, ACHES & PAINS AWAIT MISS MAE!"

i just wanted you to help me.

i wanted you to fix that thing i ripped open inside me.

i wanted you to make it better.

i wanted you to tell me it would be okay.

i wanted you to want to want me.

i wanted you to not hate me.

i wanted you to love me again.

i realize now, despite the damage i caused you STILL did help me.
you tried to fix what you could.
you never stopped telling me it would be okay.
you did not hate me.
and even though it isn't the love i wish i could get back from you,
you never stopped showing me love.
especially when you knew i was the most lost.

awareness brought me to these uncomfortable, yet familiar facts.

all along..

i needed me to help me.

i needed to fix that thing i ripped open inside me.

i needed to make it better.

i needed to want to want me.

i needed to no longer hate me.

i needed to forgive me.

i needed to love me again.

i learned something valuable through this (my first, ever documented REGRET)
forgiveness is the most important thing in life.
forgiveness of self.
forgiveness of others.

i didn't get what i wanted. but i guess, i got what i needed.

someday - i will learn to be okay with that.

someday - i will look your way, and i hope: feel impartial.

they say time heals all. and i surrender everything i've got.

i'm not perfect. just a work in progress.

and, so:
this is the end of the story.

© by the gypsies travels

September 27, 2013

this is going to offend you

 pain is mandatory. misery is optional.
& black is everything.

this entry is dedicated to my dear friend, Holeh.
thank you for pushing, supporting & inspiring me to write again.

the wind is thrashing against all rooted nature right now.
i can't tell if she's upset, or happy & excited about something.
but one thing i recognize & know for certain is: her behavior - it's PURE PASSION

a cigarette rests between my lips. 
it's the only way i can begin writing these days.
(mind+games with oneself. sigh.)
i officially quit smoking but,
any decent audience already knows: when you have 
in your veins. . .
it's pertinent to break & bend the rules

there she goes again. the wind & her passionate ways.

my deepest thoughts are 
thoughts so intricate that
at times 
the idea of putting them on paper
truly rattles me.
my mind loves to play tricks on me 
with such piercing thoughts & eerie tones
she tells me: "how D A R E you put ink stained sins onto paper"

R E B E L  B L O O D
and, well - i love to sin.
my thoughts exactly:
lets study the color BLACK
black represents to so many:
feelings of darkness. EVIL. grief. suffering.

out of those four words:
  • one is true
  • one is a mask
  • one is "society"
  • one is the teacher
want to play a game of mixANDmatch?
called: breakin' down the
darkness the truth
evil the mask
grief "society"
suffering the teacher

most people believe our creator
to be the color white;
a beautiful, glowing white...
(insert: growling noises)!↓
 LIE$ ... more LIE$!!
god is the pupil of your eye
god is the dark blanket that the stars, planets, sun & moon remain tucked in 
god + love + greatness is: more times than not, perceived as EVIL
therefore, it is our safest & purest form
 there is no light where god resides only darkness
the light lives in the human race.
we meet the light for the first time upon our arrival to planet earth.

SO, why must we always FEAR the unknown? the unfamiliar? 
don't you know? - that is where your maker resides!
yes. god resides in the pupils of your eyes.
if you don't believe me, find a mirror & have a stare down 
with the black tunnel vortex that centers your eyes
DON'T STOP. go as long as you can. 

the darkness is nothing to fear. 
it is something to be loved.
it is something to be cherished.
it is something to be honored.
it is something to be acknowledged.
it is something to be appreciated.
it is something to be respected.

NOTHING is ever 
what it SEEMS.
 a&nd that is truth.

on your darkest of nights you should have no fear, for god lives IN the darkness.
god IS the darkness.
always guiding you. always protecting you. always loving you.

each human purpose is unique + different
pain is one of the MAIN parts of being human
          ...now, that may seem harsh but, at some point in time 
             you will come to understand: 
pain is so much more beautiful 
then becoming something numb 
  1. pain is fuel
  2. pain is only found through the darkness.
  3. fuel enables you to move forward: positively, forever embracing this ever-changing existence we are a part of 
...do you now understand the concept of God's beautiful blueprint?
p.s. it's okay if you don't completely understand. i know my writing is confusing as fuck ;)

stay adventerous fam. chase those dreams. work hard & play fucking harder.
gypsies travels sends infinite amounts of love -
stay strong, xo

sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” ― gerard way

 © by the gypsies travels

July 26, 2013

fuck the transition: i'm already in it

today's to-do list:
1. repeat in head & say out loud: 
i'm a bad bitch, i'm a boss bitch
2. DO NOT for ONE SECOND, give a FUCK!
3. repeat number one
4. keep making lists
5. use magic, at least once today

© by the gypsies travels

July 25, 2013

± ¿fill in the blank or multiple choice? ±

time: the master of everything

i love all you freaks & fiends
brave enough to sit with your gorgeous selves
at 3:33 AM: the oh-so-legendary time
of evil & darkness

well, i like #badgirl things so,
lets fry the mind. ooooh yeah!
sounds delicious. brain brisket.
did you know that God & The Devil work together?
i almost couldn't believe it myself, but yes i was a witness
to some dicey, freaky mixed up WACKED out - twisted, real ass shit
the day my pain, finally turned me numb - my perception of this world changed
all of a sudden, i could see things - that i knew others couldn't see yet
different dimensions. magic. ghosts. reflections. unicorns. death. rebirth. colors.
as the dark angel turned me over to the creator of the light
i caught a glimpse of the exchange that forever changed my life:
eye to eye - they matched eachother with sultry winks
followed by smiles, giggles, and boyish grins
...and here i am, for 26 fucking years 
feeling guilty
for all my GOD DAMN sins?


  • Jesus Christ hangs on a cross with the letters INRI above his dead body. 

(5-18 years of age)

  • Jesus Christ hangs on a cross with the letters IRNI above his dead body. 

(19-25 years of age)

  • Jesus Christ hangs on a cross with the word IRONY above his dead body. 
(26, current age)

holy fuck. 
OF COURSE. why am i not surprised?
that's when i started paying attention..
when i realized; god loves ugly
1. i kick back more often
2. in complete silence

3. i shut the fuck up

4. AND actually listen

i accept that everyone has their
 OWN unique/sacred path to walk
my path?
i'm on some intricate 6 (feet deep) L I F E path iiish
and i'm dancin' my ass through 
every measurable piece of it
that i can find

© by the gypsies travels